Why and How to Parent According to
Your Child's Human Design Type
by Andrea Abay-Abay
(Plus My Human Design Parenting Experience Below)
"Your children are not your children;
they are life longing for itself." Khalil Gibran
All of us want to belong on a deeper level,
and we all feel that deep longing to know our place.
Since we are here, we have a part to play in the grand pattern of life.
Truly belonging requires we play our authentic role
—or we risk feeling hollow, lost—
as though we’re not living our purpose.
That feeling of belonging requires self-knowledge and self-acceptance.
Acceptance leads to self-love—
nurtured when we’re guided in how to live honoring our nature,
rather than how others think we should live.
Human Design Parenting
Ra introduced us to one of the most important topics
within this System—Human Design Parenting.
This knowledge is primarily here for our children.
HUMAN DESIGN'S primary benefit
is to those who haven’t yet been deeply conditioned.
And while living authentically
and with greater understanding
supports our process,
it is through us this knowledge
can reach future generations
and change the frequency of this planet—
one being at a time.
Human Design empowers our children
to make choices that are true to who they are.
In Ra's Words...
I had this extraordinary experience not too long ago.
I had a visit, a mother and child. Supposedly the child had problems. It was so interesting, this projection.
I’ve had a favorite saying for so many years: people in white hats doing black work. It’s really nice that you love your children.
It does not mean you’re being an advantage for them in this life at all.
The fact that you love them, truly in a sense, doesn’t really mean anything.
It is the knowing of them.
~ Ra Uru Hu
Can you relate Ra’s quote to what parents feel within themselves?
That "I love my children" goes without saying.
We love them because loving our children
is our genetic instinct as parents.
We often struggle and lack time
to raise children in the way we envision,
but there is always strength
coming from our love
and the instinct to keep them
as safe and happy as possible.
We parents carry a lot of pressure
that combines with the pressure taken in from society.
This creates confusion and doubts,
particularly around our educational paradigms.
Confusion prevents us parents from clearly seeing what kind of child we brought into the world, and we end up devoting too much attention to how children should behave to fit into society and be successful.
Consider that most parents
who don’t know any better
project their own values and expectations
onto their children
during their most impressionable
and vulnerable conditioning stages of life.
Most of this derives from deep, fear-based conditioning patterns, so children learn how to fear the world and fight their way through it...
...instead of learning how to trust in themselves.
Centering on Your Child
with Human Design Parenting
PsychologyToday.com states: “A study found that parents who were the most child-centric were also happier and derived greater meaning in life from having children."
‘These findings suggest that the more care and attention people give to others, the more happiness and meaning they experience. From this perspective, the more invested parents are in their children’s well-being — that is, the more ‘child centric’ parents are — the more happiness and meaning they will derive from parenting.’ Ashton-James et al. (2013)”
Many parenting books
try to offer the perfect solution
on how to raise and feed children.
And while they offer
some very valuable insights and tools,
the truth is that there is a unique way to treat each child.
To educate with love is to allow the child to be themselves,
no matter how the outer world conditions and influences them.
We see an enormous difference in children who are respected and raised to follow their natural way of operating and deciding.
Treating your children
according to their Human Design
creates a parent/child relationship
of greater mutual trust and lightness of being.
With Human Design Parenting, parents are no longer seen as the authority but as engaging mentors providing a safe environment where children can evolve.
Giving children the freedom to be their own authority may seem scary at first!
But this allows us as parents to guide our children to become themselves—no more, no less—exactly what the world needs.
Human Design shows you what your child is here for, what avenues of life are going to be their strengths and capabilities.
Human Design helps you understand the functions in life your children are here to express.
Rather than seeing something wrong with a child who appears “lazy,” a parent can embrace their child’s difference and celebrate it.
Fulfilling your purpose requires that you are different from others, because this is why we 9-Centered humans are here—to be vastly different from one another.
Being able to see your child
for what and who they are
is the first step
in transcending the limitations
contemporary culture places
on you and your parenting.
Embracing the Uniqueness of your Child
Here are some free audios
by Ra Uru Hu, founder of the Human Design System
on Children by Type
and below that Defined & Undefined Solar Plexus Children:
- Manifestor Children
Teach them manners (to ask permission as polite informing)
- Generator Children
Ask them yes/no questions and respect their response
- Projector Children
Invite them into things and encourage them to study what you recognize "turns them on"
- Reflector Children
Observe them as the barometer of the family and never rush them to decide; give them 28.5 days minimum
- Defined Solar Plexus Children
Teach them to cultivate patience
- Undefined Solar Plexus Children
Help them express emotion without attachment
In Ra's Words...
For me, the whole thing is to embrace the uniqueness of your child… It’s got to be clear to you that this is a question of consciousness.
I will give you nice techniques.
But really, you have to grasp that this is about consciousness, it’s about being aware.
And it’s about seeing that the moment that you have the gift—it’s a gift—to be able to see the design of your children, your friend’s children, your grandchildren, whatever it may be, that in that gift of being able to see them you can give them something very special.
You can give them guidance that will enrich the rest of their lives, and will allow them to stay within themselves despite what the world around them is. This is what it’s all about.
~ Ra Uru Hu
These quotes from Ra were taken from A Human Design Guide to Parenting,
included in a special Parenting Package on JovianArchive.com,
home of the Human Design System.
My Human Design Parenting Experience:
When I came to Human Design, there were many things about my 5-year old daughter and my relationship with her that confused, frustrated and bothered me.
Using the framework of Human Design to understand our interactions helped relieve my stress, anxiety and worry. Below I share some examples of how Human Design helped me understand us and our relationship.
Here's her Human Design chart ( and mine further down):
My Overzealous "Natural Parenting"
As you can see, she has the Sacral Center (red square) very strongly defined via three channels. I amplify her powerful generator motor with my undefined Sacral.
I tried to be the best mama possible and studied like crazy before she was born, even going on to obtain a parenting certification, starting a holistic mom's group, and doing everything I could to ensure she had every advantage I could give her.
My overzealous parenting began immediately. I remember coming home from the hospital the day I'd given birth and, unable to sleep that night next to them, I got up to clean the kitchen in the wee hours of the morning. Overzealous? Who me?
When she was born, I thought I was doing what was best for her by co-sleeping, baby wearing whenever possible, only breast-feeding... and I totally burnt myself out by the time she was 6-months old due to lack of sleep and utter exhaustion.
I vividly remember how completely fried I felt and how almost I wanted to throw that crying baby at my husband. That's when I moved myself into the guest room to sleep alone and my doctor prescribed me anti-depressants.
Now I know that my Projector body could not sustain the constant contact with her Manifesting Generator form combined with the super-mom routine I'd thrown myself into.
My Personality Earth Compromised
Another major mechanic; her channel of Discovery (29-46) compromises my Personality Earth in Gate 29.
As she grew I used to get resentful about always needing to do what she had the energy to do and not relaxing with a book or just music as I wanted, to rest and recover my energy.
Gate 29 is about Perseverance; it's the Gate of Saying Yes, of Commitment.
Because she has the Sacral defined and that entire channel, in our relationship, I learned from Human Design to ask her yes/no questions to determine what she responds to.
As she got older I could explain and show her the graph so she understood it wasn't personal, there is nothing wrong with either of us, just that we are very different.
Thanks to Human Design, Now I know how to hold my boundaries and not over-do it so that I don't get overwhelmed and have meltdowns from exhaustion.
My Daughter's Totally Open Splenic Center
My then husband became disabled after a surgery made a pre-existing condition worse and within 18 months of her birth I had to go back to work.
See how my daughter has a totally open Splenic Center (white inward-pointing triangle on the left)? Mine is undefined as well. She was a clingy baby, always wanting attention and entertainment (she is reading this and says I still want attention and entertainment).
When I left home for work regularly she bonded very deeply to my defined Splenic husband, now a stay-at-home dad. When I moved out I was so very saddened when we divorced that she wanted to live with him instead of me. I took it personally (I have a Color 6, Personal Perspective) that she would cry for him every night when she stayed at my house.
When I finally saw all of our designs I understood how powerful the sense of safety and security was that she felt with him and it didn't bother me anymore.
Here's my Human Design Chart:
My Daughter's Totally Open Root Center
As you can see I've got a defined Root Center (brown square at the bottom) while my daughter has no gates as a dormant potential there.
Getting places on time was something I myself simply HAD TO DO. I did everything in my power to always be chronically early and intensely disliked being even a few minutes late.
Boy did I have to let that go as a parent! My daughter did not know when to hurry, and I both unknowingly and knowingly pressured her to hurry up.
It frustrated me that she just couldn't get herself together to go places and I had to constantly harp on her to get her out the door.
Oh how glad I was to understand this dynamic between us, and learn the simple tools of asking her yes/no questions.
When I learned more about the deeper levels of her Human Design (she is Guilt Motivated, I am Hope; for those familiar with Rave Psychology) even more things made sense and became easier to deal with and accept.
I'm incredibly grateful for the power of Human Design in our lives.
I could go on and on with more examples about the things I've learned which have helped me be a better parent to my daughter!
Just one of the many benefits this system has had in my life is better relationships with the people I love—rather than putting pressure on myself or them, or taking things personally, I can see the dynamics at play, accept it and love us all throughout, no matter what.
("YAY" says my daughter)
I hope you enjoyed this article. Please feel free to comment or ask brief questions below.
I wish for everyone the wonder of watching your child blossom into the completely unique being they were born to be, as I am watching mine.
Love Yourself (and Your Kids!) As you Are. For you are Perfectly Designed.
All my love to you and your family,
A shorter, previous version of this article originally appeared on JovianArchive.com. Reprinted with permission.