Living Your Human Design Isn't Always Easy

Living Your Design Isn't Always Easy

During a profound shattering it may seem like you're never going to come out on the other side. Each of us have layers and layers of past conditioning that is neutralized, as cellular transformation is realized.

In my HD experiment I've been experiencing an ongoing Shattering, mutating in pulses throughout the last few years and would like to share it with you all. This transformation is centered around my Undefined Splenic Center (survival recognition function) and completely Open Heart Center (willpower function).

My Story

For years, on and off for decades, I actively avoided looking at my face in the mirror. It was too triggering for me to me to endure, spiraling me into unhealthy excesses to avoid feeling. I would go days without seeing my reflection. Most of the time only taking momentary glances to make sure that I was semi presentable to the outside world. At various points throughout my life, I’ve encountered others telling me how pretty they thought I was. They often confessed wishing they could go without makeup too. I just didn’t see what they saw and was skeptical of their complements. They never knew the truth of why I hardly wore any.

I don’t remember what my face even looked like before the scar was there. I was such a small child when the incident occurred that left that gash above the corner of my lip. But I remember the moment it happened, reliving the horror in my dreams and, often, while I was awake. The terror, the lack of security, unable to defend myself as I cowered in fear. I still feel the aftershocks when my emotional wave is low.

My mind taunting me with a persistent, lingering false belief that I wasn’t worth protecting.

That I wasn’t worth it, or anything.

Tainted Self-Love

That voice in the back of my mind has tainted my entire life since. Destroying any hope that I would actually find happiness within, always looking outside myself to fill a void. Neediness encompassed most of my decisions and actions. Proving I was “good enough” was a norm. Always looking for someone or something that would allow me to grasp a “love that would fix it all.”

I dulled my senses just to be able to look in the mirror and “doll” myself up. At times I abandoned my natural gifts to conform to what others thought I should be. Trying to prove that I was good enough for them. Holding onto things that weren’t good for me because I wanted to be ‘loved’.

At the time, I didn’t know a better way.

I do now.

Now don’t get me wrong, I tried. I’ve not just been sitting on my hands for decades. Starting when I was 7, I began my quest to self-heal. By the time I was 13, I could comprehend more complex ideas and started intense research in the fields of healing, self-help and psychology.

I’ve studied so many systems. Shadow-hunted the hell out of my deep-rooted fears and unhealthy conditioning. Sat through countless hours of meditation and self-hypnosis in an attempt to unlock self-love. I’m far from that terrified little girl I was 36 years ago, and yet I was still triggered by the memory, especially when it came to embracing my self-worth.

My Worth is Not Determined by the Actions of Others

And now, years into my Human Design experiment, I confidently say that when I look in a mirror, I LOVE what I see. All of it. Even the messy bits. And sure, the memories are still there, but the pain. The pain has gone.

I didn’t get to this point alone. I have the best entourage a gal could ever dream up. A wolf pack of the most empowering humans that are deep into their own HD experiments. Including a mentor who is not afraid to share the messiness of her past to help us forge ahead through the trenches.

As a Projector, this is exactly what I need. I learn about myself through learning about others. Each of us radically living our own experiments while empowering, sharing, and supporting each other.

The other day, I looked into the mirror and declared, “I love you.” It wasn't the first time that I had reflected those words back at myself, but this time it felt different.

I Felt Cool, Calm & Emotionally Clear

While gazing lovingly at myself, a Flaming Lips song stole the scene. It’s been one of my favorites since I was a teen and completely encompasses what self-love feels like to me.

I’d like to share the lyrics and their official video with you.

“When You Smile” by The Flaming Lips

It’s like I never had to see it in your eyes or feel it I could tell

When you smile.

It’s like I didn’t need to say anything or do much, I could tell

When you smile

All of the subatomic pieces come together and

Unfold themselves in a second...

Every single molecule is right, when

All of the subatomic pieces come together and unfold

Themselves in a second.

---

written under the Cosmic Influence of

ⵙ 43.5 ⴲ 23.5

---

I originally published this article with no expectations on HumanDesign.LIVE, the safe space that was lovingly created by Laveena for our Fractal to learn from sourced based material and support each other as we continue on with our personal Human Design Experiment.

I would say that I am surprised by the number of responses I have received when I shared my story, but with my design, I often draw in those who need someone to listen to what they're going through. Each message has been rich with stories of similar experiences. 

One of the greatest joys I have uncovered with Human Design is the ability to not only more clearly see myself, but also see others and where their struggles may come from.

Thank you to all of you that have trusted me with your personal stories. I adore your courage to share.

Sometimes it helps to be able to share what you’re going through with someone who just plain gets it.

I invite you to reach out to me if you are looking for support for your own Human Design Experiment and deconditioning process.

Free Human Design Projector Success Secrets Webinar

Projector Success Secrets Webinar Training Excerpt

So if you're looking at the secrets for success for a projector, first things first, you've got a master system. If you have mastery of that system, why would anybody come to you for guidance? So mastery of the system study is first and foremost, that absolutely must be your top priority. The best investment you have in this life is not anything you own. It's right here, in your development of your personal potential to master a system and to guide others. So in order to recognize which one to go into and who you have to wait for the outside world reality to come to you first. Now, I tell you something. This gives you a lot of power because it means anybody that's not actually coming and knocking at your door. It's not your trip. You do not have to go chase after people. In fact, that gives you a lot less power when it comes to negotiating things when it comes to them honoring you for what you have to give.

Just think of it like this. Remember back in the day when we had kings and Queens and people would come and ask, they would ask for an audience. Imagine it like that. People need to ask for an audience with you and when they ask, invite, who has the power you do, you have the power and you need to use your gifts, your skills, your talent, and your way of seeing things to see if they recognize you for you and what you have to give projectors. Most of them have really big picture views, really broad perspectives that can see all the way down to the details. There's a lot of different ways that we are here to function. We are here to master our human environment and perfect that human environment, and so the biggest way we do that is discernment. What are your superpowers? What are your super strengths?

What are your super skills? The definition in your chart, the areas between those two colored in centers, whatever that channel happens to be, that's your super power. That's your gift. That's your skill. So how do you honor that? You stay away from making decisions out in the openness and you use that openness as wisdom. When you're partnered with another person, you make sure that you guide others to their authority by using an honoring your authority first and leading by example. We absolutely must do that for ourselves and for others guys and again, delegate. It's not for you to do everything yourself. No projector is an island. We're not here to be the team of one. A projector is always about a team of two, you and that other person in your life, in that moment, whoever it is that you're focusing on, so one of the things that we need to get really good at is learning how to ask questions, not leading questions.

"I see that you need to do this", so I'm going to ask "can you do this?" No. Go into questions that help that person align with who they are for themselves, if they're a Generator. Who they are for others, if they're a Projector. Help ask those questions. Give them your perspective. In right timing, we're recognized and invited. For me, when emotionally clear I can ask a question that unlocks the visible, energy that's there for the other person to see and that's so valuable and beneficial for other people. So the other success secret I want to pass onto you is taking care of yourself. I remember that was one of the challenges that we have here in the room right now is how do we take care of yourself first, how do you take care of yourself so that you're not drained by others? Well, I like to think of myself as a, as a pro athlete.

There's certain things that a professional athlete will absolutely take care of their body every single day, even if they're not training. They're resting consciously, mindfully, intentionally. So taking care of ourselves isanother big success secret. And again, I already mentioned if you're working with people one on one, that's where your super power, your super strength is every single one of those channels, with the exception of four of them, are designed to empower or share or support with that other person one person at a time. Okay? So if you continue on in this journey, I'm going to show you where and how your design is here to be successful. Okay? So defining extreme self care is a question that Jazz is asking. Yes, extreme self care means you make sure that you go to bed early. That's extreme, isn't it? In our, in our society where we're addicted to our, a items of watching TV or watching our facebook feed or youtube or whatever it happens to be in forcing a bed time is an extreme.

When I was younger, I was doing an Ironman Triathlon. And, in order to wake up in the morning at 5:00 so that I could be out there hitting the pavement first thing in the morning, I would have to go to bed early. So as a pro athlete, if you're going to get up and train the next day, sleep is the first imperative. The next piece is what you put in your body. Everything you absorb into your body, whether it be food, whether it be the programming that you decided to watch, whether it be a what you listened to on your daily commute, whether it be the people that you're with, it's almost like you're eating those people, so surrounding yourself with people who are in alignment with the success that you want to see for yourself is important as well, and I get it sometimes we don't have a choice. Where are you working? Where do you live, who you live with, but recognize that you need to protect your aura. Taking care of yourself like a pro athlete means you don't go and hang out in places where you can get contaminated with either food or drugs or people, even people that their frequency is unhealthy and not aligned with yours. Does that help? Yes. Okay, great. Thank you.

How does the Emotional Authority Work?

Here’s my personal perspective in my 7th year of experimentation with living in alignment with my Human Design chart.

Feelings Recognized "Frustration" An Emotional Energy Projector Q & A

Today's question is an excerpt from a Right Angle Cross of Maya Emotional Projector in a Facebook group posting I felt invited to share on. With my nodes on the 32/42 axis, I get a lot of these people in my Human Design Life Coaching practice

Why Am I Frustrated?

Everyone, regardless of Type, is subject to experiencing frustration in life, despite the fact that Frustration is the keynote of a Generator Aura/Builder Career Type who is out of alignment with their highest purpose and off-track. This is because all of us have a Sacral Center, even if it is not consistently designed to respond. 

If you find yourself frustrated more often than not, you're likely attempting to "push the river" and do too much without letting life ask for what it wants from you.

In other words, attempting to:

Initiate new directions, new courses of action, new relationships and create any kind of new endeavor, form new community structures or businesses, and do everything yourself, instead of learning how to work interdependently with others correctly and ask for help, is a recipe for deep frustration. Sacral defined or not!

Undefined Sacral Center (Energy Resource Function)

Emotional Projector Example Chart - Not-Self Frustration

Frustration is a keynote of the Sacral Center's life force energy out of alignment with it's purpose for being.

"No manifestation! I think that my frustration lies here."

Likely you are frustrated because your fear of missing out due to these not-self behaviors:

• Consciously driven by a tendency to say yes before you've been asked or waited for emotional clarity (Hexagram 29 "The Abyss" the Gate of Perseverance, Commitment)
   
• Obeying your need to be friendly/friends with someone you like to bond with them, yet in the not-self behavior you do this without them inviting you into an intimate connection or you jump into it too soon (Hexagram 59 "Dispersion" the Gate of Sexuality)
   
• Unconsciously needing to be realistic in your capacities to care and nurture, and perhaps resenting that you may sap the resources of others because you have a non-self need to able to consistently generate/manifest all on your own (Hexagram 27 "Nourishment" the Gate of Caring)
   

How to Make Better Choices:

Where you are designed to be successful and operate from is that Emotional Authority, rather than attempting to Generate (go-go-go) or Manifest (initiate to make things happen). 

When you are clearly recognized and invited for your: 

• Transmission of what the tribe needs to be sold on in order for everyone to have what they need to survive and keep their promises (Channel 44-26 "Surrender," the design of a Transmitter)
   
• Negotiation abilities to facilitate win/win bargains that build the communal structures our tribes are built upon (Channel 37-40 "Community," the design of a Part Seeking a Whole) 

AND

Once you have had time to feel through your recognition of what the needs of your tribe are and sensing the emotions of what it is to be YOU.

YOU, the supportive guide of your tribe who is here to be wise about how to break down barriers to achieve unity within your network, guiding their progress with your provocative heresy you unconsciously value and passionately emote when needed.

YOU, here to be called out and of value for your network of friends (2/4 Profile).

So only use your energy where/when your peeps need your support so that all needs are fairly met. In alignment with your emotions over time.

Avoid frustration by relaxing into your chameleon-like self and allow the feelings to rise and fall, waiting for that beautiful synchronistic moment when you feel the settled-ness, the space between the emotional movement where there is no fear.

Only clarity that these are the people, YOUR people, who value you for you, who honor and respect your time, energy and advice, who give YOU what you need in return for the value you bring to them.

Now it's Your Turn, Human Designers:

Why Do Projectors Get Frustrated?

From the Facebook Human Design System Group

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